October - November 2001

Don't Look At This

Impossible, right? That is the reality of "avoid temptation" or "deny desire."

Does this not inspire the senses, the imagination and the deep need to experience? To taste and smell, to observe, to witness, to participate? The desire to feel, to be natural, to be alive? This is the Genesis. This is your origin, lush and fruitful.

Yet in many, what you see in this image engenders guilt, shame, fear and violence. It is described as the root of all evil, the scourge of civilization. Control, hatred, revenge, murder and suicide are all attributed to this experience. Beauty is in the awareness of the beholder.

Behold: fucking, the dance of the creation of life. Here, the elements mix. The vulva, or yoni, is moist and warm in anticipation of being penetrated. The penis, firm and hot and craving its counterpart, has secreted its own moisture, and in both participants, the element Water gathers inside. Desire is Fire. The body is Earth, and the breath it conducts is Air and Prana. We join, and explore the membrane of awareness where two separate points of conscioiusness verge on becoming one.

If my female partner is relaxed and is able to drop deep within her awareness, and I am blessed, her body and spirit may yeild to orgasm upon orgasm in a succession of waves, drawing me deeper into my surrender, drawing me into herself, for it is to her that I ultimately, and inevitably, surrender. The energy might open in such a way that I join her through this peak after wave of ex-stasis, movement or ecstasy, bathing in the universe of her Yin force. Or, I might be pulled in with a power beyond my own body, drawn toward her, feeling I have no choice but to give my seed to her.

Orgasm and ejaculation may arrive at the same moment, or at times distanced enough to feel each distinctly in its experience.

It is often said that sex is more a vulnerable experience for women than it is for men. But to those men who feel, the moments of orgasm and ejaculation into the body and soul of a woman are among the most deeply exposed expressions of totality ever known.

If she can see my face, I allow her to know an aspect of myself I will never see. I might speak or moan her name: in that moment, the name of the Goddess, the word of eternal life. I have no control. Orgasm has reduced my emotions to an unknowable ritual language. Ejaculation hurls my body beyond any feeling, and is a seizure of pleasure, release, grief, a space of totality, and the semen jets from the core of my reality and pulses, hot and strong, against her precious cervix, flooding the space within her.

Our waters mix. Our lives mix. This is the moment of creation of existence: of new life, whether a child is born, or not.

We may say that "sex is not love," but those who forget the love of the body may soon forget the love of the heart and of the spirit.