October - November 2001
Curiosity
How much of our obsession over other
people is projected desire to explore ourselves? Remember that
self-curiosity is supposedly a bad, bad thing, a sign of being
immture, egotistical or uninterested in others. After all, everyone
else is more important than you, right?
But we are, in our natural state, really
curious about ourselves. We started this way, and if you think
and feel carefully back through your past, you can remember all
the ways in which you were taught to turn your curiosity off.
But curiosity still exists... so there's some intense tension
created by the inner desire to explore and the prevailing rules
we live by, which dictate that we maintain ignorance.
One way to handle this tension is to
reverse the process and explore ourselves vicariously through
the exploration of other people, all the while having an experience
of self, of the intensity of self, of the needs of self, of the
fears and desires and cravings of self. In this way we "get
lost in others" and end up avoiding who we are.
Why not just honestly explore ourselves
around those we say we love? Why not love and desire ourselves
freely, and be known in this way, and love others from a space
of selfloving and true inner acceptance, rather than self-avoidance?
Well, that is like saying, wouldn't
it be nice to have no shame?
It would be very nice.