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Kingston, NY, Friday, Oct. 12, 2007

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In Search of the Absolute
By Judith Gayle | Political Waves

TIME AND tide wait for no man, they say. The clock drives our lives; this whole notion of time marches us along from cradle to grave in absolute terms, tick tick tick.

In astrology, we mark the passage of time by tracking the changing of energies. Earlier this week, for instance, the New Moon in Libra completed the manifestation curve of the last month and began a new process. She is nicely trined to Neptune, which will lend us a bit of softer, forgiving energy and should offer us some assistance in the relationship department...if we're willing to take it.

The Mars in Cancer (in fall) energy I spoke of last week, combined with Venus conjunct Saturn in critical Virgo, has led to a series of snarls and snafus in relationship that has me wanting to whine, as did poor battered Rodney King, "Can't we all just get along?"

We're hypercritical, oversensitive and, with Mercury poised on entry into Scorpio, we can presume to add super-secretive and ready to sting those who cross us. The double Libra placement of Sun and Moon may respond to all that self-absorption with a certain amount of dismay, being a team player, social maven and harmony addict. If you find yourself torn two (or more) ways, you will be in good company this week. You might even intuit how vital it is to get over your hurt feelings or hidden resentment, but find yourself holding on to your grievances like a mother hugs a child on the first day of school, unwilling to let go.

Perilous business, assessment of relationships, given all these influences. In a period of "nitpick," we would do well to remember that we may have a few nits of our own, some we're hiding beneath our self-righteousness and others we may not even have recognized. Any two people come together and create what I call the "third entity" of their relationship, a whole stand-alone persona; when you go to dinner with a couple, you're actually dining with their third. Sometimes this tandem-resonance brings out the best in them, sometimes the worst. Sometimes the third entity of their united energies is a tantrum waiting to happen, evolving unwittingly, and collecting a series of experiences that may soon become first class baggage. In this kind of intimate loop, it's easier to see what the other guy's up to than what we ourselves add to the mix. Any relationship is evenly divided in terms of its resonance; it's a mirror of two selves, come together for reflection purposes. But what do we see when we look into it? I noted a quote the other day that illuminates the kind of process we're in: "I came to the table prepared to forgive, but not to be forgiven." Ouch! 

Star IQ's heads up on the day gave me a rueful chuckle: "Meanwhile, Venus forms a semisquare with the Sun, making us aware of how often relationships fall short of our expectations." In my experience, expectation is the quicksand of the universe -- it will suck you down until you take your last despondent gasp. All hurt feelings seem to originate in that shifting, impossibly dense sandpit of ego-need. When we insist on something from another, we are coming from a place of self-interest; approaching another with our authentic feelings and desires is not the same as projecting our needs onto someone else to fulfill -- that's pretty much a contract for unhappiness, leading to manipulation, resentment, punishment and disappointment. Why is it that we think someone else can give us what we can't find within ourselves? The concept that has helped me grab a twisted vine and pull myself out of this kind of danger goes like this -- it is as much an error to take offense as it is to give it. Whatever has wounded you, blow it off, don't personalize it...and live to overreact another day.

Reviewing our expectations in relationships takes maturity and self-reflection, and in some cases, may be a deal breaker. It may be "time" to leave some old acquaintance behind. I'm talking about the kinds of relationships that are abusive, of course -- or the ones that are toxic to us. Be careful to properly assess that second, though...there is a difference between "finished" and "toxic." There appears to be a growing need within the human family to find our "tribe" -- and that's not a sociopolitical statement as much as a spiritual one. Last week's article prompted a reader to write in that the "I love you, but..." dynamic had brought her family into a kind of standoff from one another; they've found that time spent together has become too painful to tolerate. I'd suggest that you will find such a challenge in most every family in these quickly changing days.

We've come to a point at which the old values that have defined us are quickly breaking down, replaced by new ones -- another way to "be." Those of us who have jumped into the new understandings often find our relatives and family members "tone deaf" to this new language, new response. It's a matter of self-reflection, in that those who do not take the time or opportunity to examine their own patterns and limitations are lost in the ego-speak that keeps them locked in old paradigm relationship parameters. These people may appear to be talking to us, but they're actually talking to themselves; they justify, blame, project and demand. For them, life is often drama, poised to confound them, and usually someone else's fault. No harm, no foul -- that's just where they are, today.

As we learn to take responsibility for our choices and come to terms with our errors and old misperceptions, that kind of behavior is difficult to be around. If we're finding it a painful situation, we need to reflect on why -- what do we want from them? If we want them to understand us, to validate us, we may remain in pain. Evolution takes a higher road; the responsibility to create in kindness requires our intention to remain peaceful, even if we're misunderstood. We are not responsible for what they hear -- but we are responsible for the message we send. This whole problem is magnified because it appears to be a matter of vibration, as well -- in some cases, we are almost invisible to one another.

Look to the nation's politics for an illustration; the two parties that are challenging one another for the presidency in '08 might as well be living on different planets. The Democratic candidates are debating universal health care, draw-down from the war in Iraq and new opportunities for diplomacy, and populist challenges to the middle-class and poor; the Republicans are focused on war, war, war and national security, narrow definitions regarding matters of religion and immigration, and protections for the current taxation policies. How these two different trains of thought will ever find commonality to debate the national issues remains a mystery -- and those of us watching will only hear those answers that resonate with us. The rest will be gibberish.

It's a conundrum -- all this "us vs. them" stuff that George Bush used to create trouble in the world is now clearly visible in the "us vs. them" that divides us along the old and new paradigm fault line. We find it in the world, in the nation, in our families, everywhere we look -- and it's a direct assault upon the truth that we are all one human family, one people on a small planet that is in dire need of our love and connectedness. We cannot simply ignore the dynamic. We must work with it in compassion and kindness.

Our family members, our old friends, may not understand our growing disinterest in them, considering it an attack or an abandonment -- we must remain as neutral as possible as we deal with them, summoning old affections and newfound tenderness. If we have "outgrown" relationships, then they must be gently restructured, not dismissed and ignored. If we have turned a corner in our journey and launched upon another path, we would do well to remember that we could not have come to this place without those who came this far with us, and their path is no better or worse than the one we've's just different. 

Time and tide, the absolutes that drive us, are no longer quite so precise. Time seems fluid in ways I never imagined, and the tides, along with the seasons, seem less predictable. Studies have shown that our seasons are turning about three weeks early, globally, endangering the creatures that depend on food supplies and habitat requirements. We depend on absolutes at our peril, now, and we're making adjustments from day to day, experiencing ourselves differently, and reinventing everything. The only absolute in our new paradigm is love -- and it will take all our balanced feminine receptivity and masculine dynamism to create that as the signature energy that will lead us forward into a new era. 

Try being "in love," today -- let the Libra New Moon play in your hair, tickle your neck, help you lose the charge you're holding against whomever has annoyed you lately. The more we are able to integrate our own energies, the more whole we become; the less we need from others, the more we recognize the "them" in "us," and vice versa. 

Love is a decision, moment by moment. Love is where nits no longer need picking, where all conundrums unsnarl and all differences become interesting instead of painful and dangerous -- it's where time stops, where paths converge. It's how forgiveness starts, how peace begins. And, according to John Lennon, it's "... all you need." Absolutely.

CREDITS: Associate Editor: Priya Kale. Webmaster: Anatoly Ryzhenko. Proofreader and Fact Checker: Sara Churchville. Horoscope Editor: Jessica Keet. Associate Photo Editor: Sharon Bellenger. Business Manager: Chelsea Bottinelli.
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